


Kansas

by Kellygirl



Category: Firefly
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:09:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And you were there, and you, and you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kansas

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I once said I'd crossover Firefly and Wizard of Oz.

Simon knew he wasn’t on Serenity anymore by the daylight and dark green grass that spread out around him like emeralds. He looked down at his outfit. He’d been wearing a white shirt and black pants. The Captain had spoken over the intercom about some disturbance and that was the last thing Simon remembered.

Now, he was dressed a light blue shirt, black pants, and a dark red vest. He touched the vest. It was _sparkly_ and heavy. His shoes were black, with little glints of red that matched his vest. His black doctor’s bag sat by his feet. A sound made him turn. River skipped up to him, wearing overalls, a white shirt, her black boots and a straw hat.

Simon hugged her. “River! Where are we?”

She hugged him back and stuck a piece of straw in her mouth. She chewed it vigorously. “You’re late. I got tired of waiting on that post. Birds kept landing on me. As for where we are, well.”

She smiled and pointed at the ground. Simon looked down. They stood on a brick road. Some parts of it were faded yellow, while others where bright as the sun in the sky overhead. River giggled and said, “We’re in Kansas-that-was-and-will-always-be.” She put a finger to her mouth in a shushing motion. “There are no munchkins here, only Reavers. We need to go.”

They moved away from the shuttle and the legs that stuck out from under it. Wash showed up a few minutes later. Simon looked at him and Wash smiled. His nose had a black smudge on it and he had a pair of fake dog’s ears set on top of his head. “I wanted to be a beagle, but I’ll settle for a terrier.”

Simon’s faint, “What?” was drowned out by Wash and River arguing over whether Wash was going to bark or not. Simon was very confused, but figured moving on was better than staying still. Plus, River was here and that eased his mind a lot.

Simon let his sister pull him down the brick road until they reached a forest. Standing next to a tree trunk was Mal, glaring grumpily at the gun in his hand. He was silver all over. He mumbled something and Simon moved closer. Finally, after repeated mumbles, Simon made out, “Get the gorram oil can, or I swear, I will beat you senseless.”

River handed Simon the can of oil and he fell into a rhythm of oiling Mal’s joints until he could move. He glared at Simon and took the can. “Doc, you got some explaining to do. Let’s get a move on ‘fore the wicked witch of the west finds us.”

Wash piped up, “She’s your wife, surely she won’t hurt us.” He laughed, then hid behind River at Mal’s glare. They walked on, River occasionally talking about the flowers and birds around them. The bushes next to the road made noises like a bird was caught in the branches before Jayne stepped out from behind them.

He carried Vera and wore a furry tan coat. His orange hat topped his head, and would have looked ridiculous if not for the frown on his face. “Don’t know why I got to be the damn cowardly li-on. Ain’t no coward.”

River opened her mouth and Jayne said, “And I ain’t no girl! Crazy doc and his crazy sister. Knew I’d regret staying on this gorram boat.” He glared at them and motioned at the road. “Let’s get this go-se over with so I can get back to dreaming about Inara.” At the look Mal gave him, he moved away and trailed behind them. He sneezed occasionally, and muttered about the hazards of finding fur coats.

Things seemed to be going okay for awhile, Simon more amused, than worried. He stayed on the road and listened to Wash talk about dinosaurs. Then a woman appeared. She floated six inches above the road and was dressed in a black dress and black triangular shaped hat. She cackled at them, as Mal raised his oiled gun and took a shot. It missed her and she laughed again. “Hello, husband. Miss me?”

Mal shouted, “Damn crazy woman!” as he reloaded his gun. She raised a hand and suddenly Simon couldn’t move. He could tell from the groans around him, that no one else could move either. Saffron floated down until she stood in front of him. She tried to unbutton the vest, but her hands started to smoke and she screeched. She pointed a long finger at Simon and said, “Sleep forever and when you’re dead the vest will come off!”

Flowers rained down on them and in minutes all Simon could see and breathe were beautiful petals. He was the last to fall into the sweet scented poppies. A loud roar made him flinch and he opened his eyes.

He sat up to see Zoe floating in the air. Her sawed off shotgun fired at Saffron again and again. Saffron disappeared with an outraged yell of, “I’ll get you my pretties! And that stupid man with the fake dog ears, too!” Zoe turned to look at Simon, her red dress floating around her ankles. She waved a hand and all the flowers blew away. Everyone started to wake up.

Wash waved enthusiastically at her and whistled. “That’s some slinky dress, honey.”

Jayne snickered and agreed. He hid behind Mal when Zoe frowned and looked at him. Then, she smiled at Wash and pointed back at the brick road.

“Your journey is almost over.”

Simon nodded and made sure everyone was well enough to continue. They started back on the road and vetoed River’s suggestion that they all sing some songs. The sun was still high in the sky when they walked up to the gates of a gleaming, green city. At a huge door, Badger opened a small window built near the top of the door, and looked down his nose at them. “Got problems, do ya?”

Simon cleared his throat. “We need to see the Wizard.”

Badger laughed. “He don’t see the likes of you. Only sees fancy folk. You lot ain’t nowhere near that.”

Everyone winced at the shrieking of metal as Mal rolled his eyes. “Badger, just open the door before I fill you and your fancy hat full of holes.”

Badger sniffed and tugged on his jacket. “Bunch of rabble rousers you lot are. I’ll let you in, so I can see you get thrown out.”

Simon led the way as they trudged down glowing, green halls. In a large darkened chamber a voice rang out. “Who dares disturb the Wizard?” A shimmery face appeared. The man looked kind, his gray hair tied back.

Simon blinked and said, “Book? Can you help us get back home?”

The green apparition nodded. “Normally I would require you to steal something from the wicked witch, but stealing is wrong.” There was a hiss of sparks and the large face disappeared, and the lights cut on. Wash peeked around a curtain and pulled it back to show Book frowning, while Kaylee peered underneath a machine.

Jayne cleared his throat, but didn’t spit on the floor. “This mean he can’t help us?”

Book stood and approached them while Wash and Kaylee whispered and poked at the machine. “Of course I can.” He moved closer to River, and brushed a hand against her cheek. “You have a brain. Learn to trust it again, and you’ll be fine.” River giggled and nodded her head.

Book moved to Mal. He took the oilcan and used it on Mal’s neck and elbows. “Your heart is your ship. She loves you as much as you love her. Treat her right and you’ll learn to love again.”

Mal looked like he wanted to argue, but he nodded his newly oiled neck and stepped away. Book put his hands behind his back and circled a suspicious Jayne. After three circles, he took off Jayne’s coat and dropped it on the floor.

Jayne smiled. “I feel much better.” He aimed Vera at something in the air, but didn’t pull the trigger. “I’ll be able to shoot again now and people can stop thinking I’m a coward. Thanks, Shepherd.”

Simon stepped forward. “What about me? How can I get home, or wake up, or whatever’s going on?”

Book placed a hand on Simon’s shoulders. “Son, you just have to realize you already are home. Place your hands on your vest and say, ‘there’s no place like Serenity.’”

Simon looked at each person before touching his vest. He repeated the sentence three times, and felt a wave of dizziness. He opened his eyes to the bright white lights of his infirmary. Everyone was gathered around his bed, and welcomed him back. His voice felt scratchy as he asked, “What happened?”

The Captain patted his arm. “Ship ran into something. You hit your head and been lazing about for a day. Had your sister plumb ready to tear her hair out.”

Simon set up. “I had the weirdest dream. You all were there and we were running from Mal’s wife.” Simon rubbed his head and winced at the small knot near his temple. “She wanted this red vest I was wearing.”

Mal scowled at the chuckles around him. “Well, you do dress a might fancy, Doc.” He headed for the door. “And she ain’t my wife! Everybody back to work.”

Simon thanked everyone until only River was left. She kissed his forehead, the touch feather light. “I’ll get you something to drink.”

Simon watched her walk out the door, a few pieces of straw falling from her dress.


End file.
